Poems/Stories by Willie Smith
Black

 A letter to his Mother
Dear Mama

I hope you and the family are well.
First and foremost I want you to know I love and appreciate you so very
much. I`m so glad God blessed me with a mother like you. I`m placing this
personal letter on a website because I want people to know the wonderful
woman who is my mother. I want people to know how blessed I am to have
a Mother so special, so rare. I mainly want to settle a matter that I know has
been on your heart.

Often I`ve heard you say that you should have been a better Mother, that you
let us down, that you should have seen it coming. I know you feel responsible
for my being on death row and for my brother being in prison. Mama, nothing
could be further from the truth. I know you have shed many tears because of
this, but Mama it`s not your fault. If we had listened to you when you taught
us right from wrong, we wouldn`t be here. God gave us all free choice and we
chose our own way, the wrong way and that`s the bottom line.

Mama I remember all the sacrifices you made for us. When there was no
food, you would make a meal and there were times when you gave up a meal
so that we could be full, I remember times when we were cold and you would
do all you could to keep us warm. I remember when I was a child and you
rushed me to the hospital for medical treatment. When I was on drugs you
would hold me and tell me it would be OK and you didn`t want me to leave
your sight.

I remember the times you would send my brother and I to the store and you
would sit on the front porch until we retuirned. I remember during times of
trouble, hearing you praying fervently for us, asking God to help and protect
us. I remember when I was in jail for this crime, our only source of
communication was through a glass window, so when you finally saw me in
the court room you leapt over the rail and begged the officer to please let you
hug your baby.

I remember on a visit, it was my birthday and you brought a honey bun for a
cake and sang "Happy Birthday " to me. I remember you visiting at Xmas
and I would tell you I was sorry that couldn`t get you anything for Xmas
and you said I was your Xmas.

Mama, it hurts me to know that I`ve hurt you like this. I hurt that I`ve caused
others so much grief and there`s nothing i can do to make it right. I`ve hurt
you Mama, the person I think the world of and I`m so sorry. I`m sorry I`ve
caused others great pain.

You`re very special Mama and I wouldn`t trade you for the world. It`s not
your fault Mama, you did your part but I didn`t do mine. I ask you from the
bottom of my heart "Please stop blaming yourself " You are a complete
mother and i love you so. Please don`t blame yourself you can`t do all the
things you feel you should like sending boxes and visiting as often as you
would like to. It`s no one`s responsibility to help us, not even yours.

It`s by the grace of God that He has placed people in my life to help me.
I know this Mama, it will get better for us. I know this because God knows
our hearts. He knows we make mistakes and in a while we will be together
again.

I remember the fun times when you and my sister would hold me down and
tickle me until I cried. I remember how all three of us would get out our beds
and come and sleep with you. We loved you so much that we just wanted to
be around you. I remember when we would take you to dinner and I`d play
jokes on you. It was even funnier when you didn`t notice.

They are the things I hold on to.

Mama, we will do these things again. I love you.

Willie Smith