I hope you and the family are
well.
First and foremost I want you to
know I love and appreciate you so very
much. I`m so glad God blessed me with a mother
like you. I`m placing this
personal letter on a website because I want
people to know the wonderful
woman who is my mother. I want people to know
how blessed I am to have
a Mother so special, so rare. I mainly want
to settle a matter that I know has
been on your heart.
Often I`ve heard you say that you should have
been a better Mother, that you let us down, that you should have
seen it coming. I know you feel responsible
for my being on death row and for my brother
being in prison. Mama, nothing
could be further from the truth. I know you
have shed many tears because of
this, but Mama it`s not your fault. If we had
listened to you when you taught
us right from wrong, we wouldn`t be here. God
gave us all free choice and we
chose our own way, the wrong way and that`s
the bottom line.
Mama I remember all the sacrifices you made
for us. When there was no
food, you would make a meal and there were times
when you gave up a meal
so that we could be full, I remember
times when we were cold and you would
do all you could to keep us warm.
I remember when I was a child and you
rushed me to the hospital for medical treatment.
When I was on drugs you
would hold me and tell me it would
be OK and you didn`t want me to leave
your sight.
I remember the times you would
send my brother and I to the store and you would sit on the front porch until
we retuirned. I remember during times of trouble, hearing you praying fervently
for us, asking God to help and protect
us. I remember when I was in jail for this crime,
our only source of communication was through a glass
window, so when you finally saw me in
the court room you leapt over the
rail and begged the officer to please let you
hug your baby.
I remember on a visit, it was my birthday and
you brought a honey bun for a cake and sang "Happy Birthday
" to me. I remember you visiting at Xmas
and I would tell you I was sorry
that couldn`t get you anything for Xmas
and you said I was your Xmas.
Mama, it hurts me to know that I`ve hurt you
like this. I hurt that I`ve caused
others so much grief and there`s nothing i can
do to make it right. I`ve hurt
you Mama, the person I think the world of and
I`m so sorry. I`m sorry I`ve
caused others great pain.
You`re very special Mama and I wouldn`t trade
you for the world. It`s not your fault Mama, you
did your part but I didn`t do mine. I ask you
from the bottom of my heart "Please
stop blaming yourself " You are a complete
mother and i love you so. Please
don`t blame yourself you can`t do all the
things you feel you should like sending boxes
and visiting as often as you
would like to. It`s no one`s responsibility
to help us, not even yours.
It`s by the grace of God that He has placed
people in my life to help me.
I know this Mama, it will get better
for us. I know this because God knows our hearts. He knows we make mistakes
and in a while we will be together again.
I remember the fun times when you and my sister
would hold me down and tickle me until I cried. I remember
how all three of us would get out our beds
and come and sleep with you. We loved you so
much that we just wanted to
be around you. I remember when we would take
you to dinner and I`d play jokes on you. It was even funnier
when you didn`t notice.
